my source of strength, my source of hope

Anonymous left me a very long comment on my chatbox after reading my previous post =) :

I passed by your blog and your repeated use of the words: "I'm so tired" caught my attention. I felt similar symptoms to you when was suffering from depression 6 months ago. I felt tired ALL the time and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I began to regard having conversations and building relationships as utterly meaningless. All my friendships seemed flaky and I withdrew myself away from them. Loneliness crippled me, I didn't want to admit it.. but I was lonely. Because of my depressed and tired mood, I wasn't able to hold decent conversations. I found it unfulfilling hanging out with my friends. Thinking back now, the problem was really with me. My depression had robbed me of my interest in my friends' lives and in the simple joys/laughs that we used to share. My mind was so tired from thinking about my friendships, about whether God will ever give me better friends. Anyway, you might be treading the waters of depression just as I was, be wary of it. I need to encourage you to find interest and joy in the littlest things in life. I pray that God will give you the courage and strength not to give up on your friendships. I know how crippling chronic tiredness may feel like. I pray that you would not be defeated by it. Sorry for the anonymous post, I didn't want to expose my private life to the world, but I needed to warn you. Hope I get to meet you in person. I'll pop by some time in the future to check on how you are! :)


My reply:

Dear anonymous, thanks for your concern and encouragement. But I think you'll be happy to hear I'm doing ok in friendships in general, I still hang out, still have deep talks that get to the core of problems to find solutions etc, I have friends I can depend on, friends I'm thankful for, and friends I can have a good laugh with. I can still find joy in the littlest things, and I’m still interested in my friends’ lives. I'm just accepting now that friendships weren't meant for forever. I'm just tired of trying to hold onto things that just won't last. They're good while they're here, but no point using up all my energy just to keep something when I can use that energy to work on other stuff, right? Although I admit, I've withdrawn myself from some 20-30 different friendships throughout my life, the ones I don't withdraw from though, I could never ask for better friends. All my friends and friendships are important to me, I’d still jump into a social event to make new, meaningful friendships or catch up with old friends. And though good laughs are important, I think good laughs can’t just always be meaningless, because then there’s just no substance in the friendship. Good laughs die down after awhile anyway, don’t they? Besides, all in all, Jesus SHOULD be my ONLY forever best friend. And I'm trusting Him completely, my joy is in Him. ;) Thanks again!