all you can see are the years passing by

Grew up listening to mum say: " Blood is thicker than water."





Never believed her.





When you grow up listening to someone tell you something, I guess you'll kind of end up believing it yourself.






Not me.



But I believe my mum now when she says friends won't last forever because I experienced its entirety. And thinking back, I realise how naive I was, to want to prove my primary school teacher wrong when she said there's no such thing as "friends forever". I believe because I experienced it.



I believe them all now. More than ever, I believe myself, that friends were not meant for forever.



Grace says, "Nothing's forever anyway." She can't be more right. People come into our lives only for a time, a season or a reason. We can want "forever" things all the time, but nothing, besides God is eternal.



I give up holding on, because it's a lot more effort than letting go. And letting go is the easier path. So, I'm letting go and letting God. I'm not holding on, not fighting, not trying... just letting God be in control, and do what He knows best. I've been holding on and holding on, month after month, month after month.



I keep telling myself, I'm only this close to not believing in human relationships. I keep telling myself that someday I'll really believe in human relationships. I keep telling myself human relationships can't be that bad.



I'm tired of telling myself lies.



And I'm so tired, I have no hope. I know love and hope are supposed to come together. Maybe then love was never really there for me to really hope and to not lose hope. Too tired to hold on, wishing something would change, wishing something would be different, and it never does...









Call it doubt. Call it cynicism. Call it unbelief. I once believed. When I was a child, I believed. Now, I can say I've grown up, and believe no more I will.





If you're wondering what's happened, why am I so "emo", or why I would talk about this kind of stuff all of a sudden? Firstly, I'm not emo, just really tired. And well, sorry to catch your attention now, but I've been blogging about this stuff for awhile, it just depends on whether you read it or not... for the past few months, I've been talking about it...it's only now that I'm making an entire post for it, because I'm wayyyyy too tired... just wayyy tooo tired... I don't think I have anymore energy left in me to think that "everything's going to be ok."





Some 3-4 months, can be a really long time.





Stand In The Rain by Superchick and Knock You Down by Keri Hilson are my songs for now, because as my "quote for the week" points out, I should want to trust, and I should want to hope.