This notice is to inform you that one of our items, Audrey Tan, is up for auctioning. The auction will take place in 4 or 5 years' time; the date, time and venue is to be announced later on.
Firstly, we would like to thank you for being our faithful customer and having interests in our auction items. However, there are rules concerning the auction items and a few cautions that we must warn you about beforehand.
- You cannot purchase any of the items before the time and place is set for the auctioning off of any one of our priceless items. These items are very valuable and are one of a kind, and therefore it is the company's policy to hold off these items until the auction. No matter what price you might name, or are wiling to pay, we cannot let you take away the prize until you win the bidding at the auction.
- Once you have won the bidding at the auction, the prize is yours. However, should you be unable to pay the correct and full amount that you bid for, then you are prohibited from taking the auction item home. The item will then go onto the next process of being auctioned off at an even higher price, only for specially invited bidders who can afford to pay for the item.
- We do not accept any payments in cash, cheque or credit card transactions. You must make full use of your creativity to pay for the items that you bid for. However, the company has set guidelines for what you can pay off your auction items with. It is only reasonable for the company to ask that you pay with your heart, your life, your honesty and your love. Everything else will be up to you. Should you lack any of these four criterion, you will be immediately disqualified from the bidding. Moreover, the company does not allow any upfront payments, and requires all bidders to be able to pay over a lifetime, and if any bidder fails to do so or is unsure of whether they can do so, they will also be immediately disqualified from the bidding.
Now, for some cautions that the company honestly thinks you will need before you think about bidding for one of our most valuable items, Audrey Tan.
- Audrey is gay, and will be gay until the time of her auction.
- Audrey hates boys, and will hate boys until the time of her auction where she hopes to meet men.
- Audrey is extremely and dangerously neurotic, and is currently undergoing medical treatment. Her treatment is expected to be successfully complete by the time of her auction.
- Audrey has been admitted in and out of mental asylums in the past few years and we believe this will continue until the time of her auction.
- Audrey has a problem with commitment, and this problem has been forecasted to persist until the time of her auction. So if you wish to get to know Audrey as more than a friend anytime before the auction, you will automatically get your heart broken.
- Audrey has a really weird family, and will keep having this weird family years after the auction. So, bear in mind that when you take Audrey home after the auction, you're taking her whole family with you too.
- Audrey has been reportedly charged under the assault of being extremely lame. We believe she will remain this way for the rest of her life, so bear in mind about what else you're bringing home when you win Audrey at the auction.
- Audrey is really religious and will keep being so religious for as long as she lives. She believes in only one true God, so if you do not believe in the same religion that Audrey believes in, we can only advise that you do not waste any more time trying to win Audrey over.
So you might ask, "Why would I want to bid for Audrey Tan then?" The answer to that question lies in the deepest oceans, in the highest horizons and in the vast, never ending possibilities of the Audrey Tan that you will get to know when and if you win the auction. It is part of the company's profession that we only let you in on some secrets, and not all secrets. The secret that we will let you in on about Audrey, is that she is definitely one of a kind!
We would like to wish you all the best as you save up for the auction that is scheduled in about 4-5 years time, and may you be blessed with the item that you hope to win, for a lifetime.
Best Wishes,
The Management.
Where auction items are found nowhere else.
NOTE: If you wish to get Audrey's number and find out how neurotic and emotionally unstable she is, please contact her father and he would be more than willing to give you her number, as soon as he has proved your resistance against shark bites, spears, swords, machine guns and nuclear bombs. =) He is only required to do so, to prepare you before you meet Audrey in person.
*Here's my random post. The most fun I've had blogging in awhile! ;)
** Here's what an Arts student does to de-stress herself after spending a whole week doing her 3000 word research essay: she writes another essay. XD !! I had fun.. =) =)
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